This has nothing to do with being a witch, but I have a somewhat prurient interest in serial killers. I've read lots of books, watched movies, and basically learned a lot about their sick motivations, methods, and how they got caught. I'm no expert, obviously, but I think I know a thing or two about serial killers . . .
So there is going to be a program tomorrow night on TV about the Long Island serial killer, a case that broke about a year ago. I want to DVR it and watch on my day off, and further formulate my own "profile" of the killer. My motivation for doing this is because I've been doing some online research about the case, and ran across an organization that supposedly does criminal profiles for police departments. I read their profile of this killer and found it to be ludicrous, and I wonder what kind of kooks are running this "organization."
They assert that, because apparently these women responded to craigslist ads for prostitutes, that he is exceptionally tech savvy, and that he even uses some sort of sophisticated voice-altering system. WTF? Um hello. Anyone can use craigslist. Millions of people use craigslist. You don't need anything more than a computer and an e-mail address to use it. You can even do it from a phone. Please. It takes no particular tech savvy to place an ad on craigslist. Absurd.
Their profile also asserts that he is on some sort of "mission" to cleanse the world of whores, and that's why he targets prostitutes. Orly? The guy would have to be some kind of religious nut, wouldn't he, if this was his motivation? Or even if it was based on something in his past, would he be able to hide this intense vitriol in his mundane life? Wouldn't he have talked about it, voiced his disgust to other people if he felt so strongly about it? And we aren't talking about the south. A religious nut would go unnoticed down there, because religious nuts are a dime a dozen. But this is New York. A religious fanatic would stand out. And just a guy blathering about his hatred of prostitutes would definitely be memorable to witnesses. And no one's come forward to say anyone has talked like this, or voiced any sort of ill wishes towards prostitutes in such a hateful way.
My theories on the craigslist and prostitute aspects?
I think he uses craigslist because it's an easy way to find women who will meet him somewhere, and keeps him from having to troll known prostitution areas where he might be remembered. It keeps people from seeing him and his vehicle and being able to identify him. It's as simple as that.
Prostitutes as victims? Well, he obviously hates women for some reason. He had an abusive mother or other woman in his life. She either physically abused him, humiliated him, or mentally abused him, or perhaps all three. He felt his manhood demeaned by her. The fact that he targets prostitutes is simple: they are the easiest women to lure, and the ones who will be missed later than non-prostitutes. Many have few or tenuous ties to family/friends who might report them missing. How many of the Long Island victims are on missing persons lists? And how many were reported missing soon after they were abducted? How do you think this guy is getting away with this so cleanly?
Their profile claims he's some sort of genius when it comes to eluding police and disposing of bodies. Orly again? I suspect he's of above average intelligence (most, but not all, serial killers are). He's dismembered the bodies and left parts in areas up to 30 miles apart. That shows he's calculating. He's plotting to do this, so he knows right from wrong, though he has no conscience. He knows what society believes is right and wrong, and how he might get caught. So where is he doing the dismembering, and how is he cutting the bodies up? I don't know enough details of the case to know if there's evidence of dismemberment at any of the dump sites or not. If there is, he's pretty ballsy, doing it out on the beach where someone could drive by. This beach is supposedly isolated and doesn't get a lot of traffic, so perhaps he would have had time to do it. I don't know. BUT if he's not doing it at the dump site, he's taking them somewhere to do it. Does he live nearby? Is he taking them somewhere far away and them bringing them back to dump them? I'm sure the police know this, and I'm hoping it will be addressed in the TV special. I'm going to do more online research to see if I can find details.
They claim he is a law enforcement buff and known for his collecting and interest in such. Where do they get this? Is there something at the crime scenes that leads them to think so? I've not read anything of the sort. Are the assuming that because he's breaking the law he must therefore be obsessed with law enforcement? The only way I think he's "obsessed" is in trying not to get caught. And I also think the dismemberment of bodies is twofold: to confuse police and to delay identification of the bodies. I don't think it has anything to do with any law enforcement fixation at all. That seems ridiculous to me.
I do believe he keeps up with the news stories; he wants to know what police know, and if they have any real evidence that might lead them to him. He has talked to NO ONE about what he's done. He may be married or single, but I don't think he's a freaky loner that everyone thinks is a weirdo. I think he lives a normal-appearing life, probably has a job and friends. And I think he gets off on knowing that he's fooled all these people into thinking he's a good guy when he's committed all these heinous crimes. I don't (unlike their profile) believe he's a show-off and a braggart in general. I think he's careful not to let anything slip that might give anyone any suspicion about him whatsoever. In my gut, I don't believe he's one of those serial killers who really wants to be caught. In fact, I'm not convinced that any of them really want to be caught. Even though they know that what they are doing is wrong in the eyes of society, they are compelled to do it and don't want to stop.
I'm next going to write about the missing people in northern Nevada, but I'm off to do some research first. TTFN.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Divergent Paths
I was thinking yesterday about the friends I spent a lot of time with when I was in my late teens and early 20s, and how differently our lives have turned out. Mainly, in the religious paths we each took. Okay, the fact that they are all pretty fervent Christians and I'm a Pagan. And I wondered, why did they go that direction, while I went another?
Their families were more "Christian" than mine was. Their parents were either fully involved in the church, or at least some of their parents were. The four of us were involved with the youth group, which had a lot of activities that weren't obnoxiously religious in overtone. It was good, clean fun and I enjoyed doing all that stuff. I was never very religious though I did go to church with them. For me, it was a social thing and having fun with friends. My parents weren't all that different from theirs other than the church-going thing. My Mom was pretty religious but she wasn't a churchy type. She read the Bible and believed, but did not think you had to go to church to be a good Christian. That bit of independence must have really rubbed off on me, because, until I realized I was a Pagan, the idea of being a church Christian turned me off. There were a few years when I did get involved in a church, with my sister, but that was actually the catalyst for me to realize I wasn't a Christian at all.
These days, they are all very into their churches. One of them is doing ministerial studies. And here I am, a practicing witch, who has eschewed everything about Christianity and consider it narrow-minded, foolish, and confining.
Thirty-plus years later, what do we have in common? Our memories, and that's about it. It would be awkward to see each other now and try to find something to talk about. One of them I think I could communicate with; she is a bit more "normal" than the others and sowed a few wild oats when she was younger. The other two, though . . too self-righteous, conservative, and narrow-minded for me.
I just find it interesting that for some reason I was the one who chose the most alternative life path, the one who broke out of the chains of Christianity and took a more difficult, personally challenging path.
I had another friend who was not part of this group; she was a piece of work. Anti-social, paranoid, low self-esteem . . . and, of course, self-righteously religious. Unlike the others, her religion was more liberal and she was (and probably still is) a liberal. I don't know why I endured her as long as I did, but that's another story. She tried to hold everyone to her standards about everything, and those who did not measure up were vilified. Her self-esteem was so low that the only way she could feel important was to find fault in others. Of course I haven't spoken to her in years, but I'm sure she'd be suitably horrified if she knew I was calling myself a witch. She would assert that there is "no such thing" and be very condescending, because that's just how she always was with me. I was a stupid bumbler who didn't know how to have any "class," and too stupid to have any proper fear about life. Meanwhile I was living my life while she lived every moment in fear: fear of God, fear of people trying to rip her off, fear of people talking about her (as if anyone cared enough to), fear of men (they're all rapists, you know), fear, fear, fear. I have little doubt that she still lives her life this way. And it's pathetic.
What I wonder is, why and how did I have friends like this, rather than people who were free-thinking and progressive? Maybe I was too young to assert myself, and it was easier hanging with them than seeking out those who would challenge me. I just had to pretend to be part of whatever they were doing and not my real self. I'm so glad I broke out of that and am no longer living a lie or playing a game.
Their families were more "Christian" than mine was. Their parents were either fully involved in the church, or at least some of their parents were. The four of us were involved with the youth group, which had a lot of activities that weren't obnoxiously religious in overtone. It was good, clean fun and I enjoyed doing all that stuff. I was never very religious though I did go to church with them. For me, it was a social thing and having fun with friends. My parents weren't all that different from theirs other than the church-going thing. My Mom was pretty religious but she wasn't a churchy type. She read the Bible and believed, but did not think you had to go to church to be a good Christian. That bit of independence must have really rubbed off on me, because, until I realized I was a Pagan, the idea of being a church Christian turned me off. There were a few years when I did get involved in a church, with my sister, but that was actually the catalyst for me to realize I wasn't a Christian at all.
These days, they are all very into their churches. One of them is doing ministerial studies. And here I am, a practicing witch, who has eschewed everything about Christianity and consider it narrow-minded, foolish, and confining.
Thirty-plus years later, what do we have in common? Our memories, and that's about it. It would be awkward to see each other now and try to find something to talk about. One of them I think I could communicate with; she is a bit more "normal" than the others and sowed a few wild oats when she was younger. The other two, though . . too self-righteous, conservative, and narrow-minded for me.
I just find it interesting that for some reason I was the one who chose the most alternative life path, the one who broke out of the chains of Christianity and took a more difficult, personally challenging path.
I had another friend who was not part of this group; she was a piece of work. Anti-social, paranoid, low self-esteem . . . and, of course, self-righteously religious. Unlike the others, her religion was more liberal and she was (and probably still is) a liberal. I don't know why I endured her as long as I did, but that's another story. She tried to hold everyone to her standards about everything, and those who did not measure up were vilified. Her self-esteem was so low that the only way she could feel important was to find fault in others. Of course I haven't spoken to her in years, but I'm sure she'd be suitably horrified if she knew I was calling myself a witch. She would assert that there is "no such thing" and be very condescending, because that's just how she always was with me. I was a stupid bumbler who didn't know how to have any "class," and too stupid to have any proper fear about life. Meanwhile I was living my life while she lived every moment in fear: fear of God, fear of people trying to rip her off, fear of people talking about her (as if anyone cared enough to), fear of men (they're all rapists, you know), fear, fear, fear. I have little doubt that she still lives her life this way. And it's pathetic.
What I wonder is, why and how did I have friends like this, rather than people who were free-thinking and progressive? Maybe I was too young to assert myself, and it was easier hanging with them than seeking out those who would challenge me. I just had to pretend to be part of whatever they were doing and not my real self. I'm so glad I broke out of that and am no longer living a lie or playing a game.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
thinking out loud onscreen..
My husband wants us to put together an occult magazine and publish it through Lulu. We only need a maximum of 80 pages. Now, if I'm inspired, I could handily write 80 pages by myself, but the kicker is "if I'm inspired." I'm sitting here this morning thinking now would be the perfect time to start putting something together, but I can't get a clear idea of what to write about.
I had it in mind to write about the Naples Arrangement, because it's a fascinating concept that many people aren't aware of. However, when I did a little research on it, I came to see that it requires a much better knowledge of the Kabbalah than I have. I don't believe I could write about it knowledgeably with any credibility. So now I'm back to square one, trying to come up with something to say.
The truth is, I'm not the one with the extensive occult knowledge acquired through years of study; that would be my husband. I'm more of an "intuitive" witch; I know what feels right in my gut, and I go with it. There is either logic, or there's bullshit, and I'm pretty good at seeing through the bullshit. I've always had an ability to cut through crap and find the essence of something. I only need to know what to apply it to in this case.
Ideas flopping through my mind: a scathing renunciation of the rede and the threefold law, a treatise on why and how fearless magick is empowering, how one's personal hangups and fears inhibit the success of magick, paring down the trappings of magick to get to what's important, and other thoughts. Right now, though, I'm getting drowsy. I got up early this morning and I think I'll snuggle on the couch with my little dog for awhile.
I had it in mind to write about the Naples Arrangement, because it's a fascinating concept that many people aren't aware of. However, when I did a little research on it, I came to see that it requires a much better knowledge of the Kabbalah than I have. I don't believe I could write about it knowledgeably with any credibility. So now I'm back to square one, trying to come up with something to say.
The truth is, I'm not the one with the extensive occult knowledge acquired through years of study; that would be my husband. I'm more of an "intuitive" witch; I know what feels right in my gut, and I go with it. There is either logic, or there's bullshit, and I'm pretty good at seeing through the bullshit. I've always had an ability to cut through crap and find the essence of something. I only need to know what to apply it to in this case.
Ideas flopping through my mind: a scathing renunciation of the rede and the threefold law, a treatise on why and how fearless magick is empowering, how one's personal hangups and fears inhibit the success of magick, paring down the trappings of magick to get to what's important, and other thoughts. Right now, though, I'm getting drowsy. I got up early this morning and I think I'll snuggle on the couch with my little dog for awhile.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
information
A couple of nights ago we went downtown and ran into the gentleman who had invited us to his Samhain event. I'll call him Lugh. He was with his lady friend, who has had a few "words" with Diana in the past. They were very happy to see us, and we visited for quite a long time. It was nice seeing them, and knowing that things are okay between the four of us. Lugh only mentioned Diana briefly and said nothing about my "tiff" with her. I later e-mailed him to tell him my side of what had happened, because I assumed that she had regaled him with her martyred tale of woe.
Interestingly, he said that she has said almost nothing to him about it, other than that we are not speaking anymore. He knew it had something to do with this other person whom I had told them was being disloyal to us. He told me that they had a Mabon ritual at which she "severed her ties" to me and my husband. He said she was near tears and it was his impression that it made her very sad that it had come to this. So what's happened, apparently, is that her know-it-all bravado when the shit all went down has given way to remorse and regret. If she's feeling like she lost something when we stopped speaking, it explains why she made that pathetic attempt to make contact by bringing the book to my work. I expected as much.
Now, Lugh is a man of honor and I fully trust that he will not divulge anything that we've talked about. He may tell Diana that he saw us, but he won't go into detail. His lady friend is pissed off at Diana because she insulted the way she dresses and does rather treat her like she's not "good enough" to hang with Diana and her loser cohorts. Whatever. That's their issue.
I'm intrigued that she thought she needed a ritual to cleanse herself of her ties to me and my husband. I mean, I just made a decision that I wanted no more to do with her, and that was that. Pretty simple. But she can't just walk away like that. There has to be an element of drama about it. Obviously it did not work, or she wouldn't have come by my work. In her mind, returning that book was part of breaking the ties, but in reality it was keeping them alive. Had I asked for the book back? No. She should have just kept it, given it away, or thrown it out. Coming to my workplace and running the risk of seeing me (which I'm sure is what she was hoping for) is nothing more than wanting to maintain any kind of connection. The thing is, she can't "connect" to me if I won't allow it. And I feel nothing, because my energy is about what is happening to me in my life, and not about people/things that I no longer give any power over me.
So, while I focus on my husband and the challenges that we face in our lives, she continues to fret over what's over and done with. She'd do better to focus on her legal problems and get her life together, but that's none of my business I suppose. It only will be if she harasses me in any way. And believe me, I will make it my business and do something about it. So, Diana, if you're reading this, be warned and back off.
Interestingly, he said that she has said almost nothing to him about it, other than that we are not speaking anymore. He knew it had something to do with this other person whom I had told them was being disloyal to us. He told me that they had a Mabon ritual at which she "severed her ties" to me and my husband. He said she was near tears and it was his impression that it made her very sad that it had come to this. So what's happened, apparently, is that her know-it-all bravado when the shit all went down has given way to remorse and regret. If she's feeling like she lost something when we stopped speaking, it explains why she made that pathetic attempt to make contact by bringing the book to my work. I expected as much.
Now, Lugh is a man of honor and I fully trust that he will not divulge anything that we've talked about. He may tell Diana that he saw us, but he won't go into detail. His lady friend is pissed off at Diana because she insulted the way she dresses and does rather treat her like she's not "good enough" to hang with Diana and her loser cohorts. Whatever. That's their issue.
I'm intrigued that she thought she needed a ritual to cleanse herself of her ties to me and my husband. I mean, I just made a decision that I wanted no more to do with her, and that was that. Pretty simple. But she can't just walk away like that. There has to be an element of drama about it. Obviously it did not work, or she wouldn't have come by my work. In her mind, returning that book was part of breaking the ties, but in reality it was keeping them alive. Had I asked for the book back? No. She should have just kept it, given it away, or thrown it out. Coming to my workplace and running the risk of seeing me (which I'm sure is what she was hoping for) is nothing more than wanting to maintain any kind of connection. The thing is, she can't "connect" to me if I won't allow it. And I feel nothing, because my energy is about what is happening to me in my life, and not about people/things that I no longer give any power over me.
So, while I focus on my husband and the challenges that we face in our lives, she continues to fret over what's over and done with. She'd do better to focus on her legal problems and get her life together, but that's none of my business I suppose. It only will be if she harasses me in any way. And believe me, I will make it my business and do something about it. So, Diana, if you're reading this, be warned and back off.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
gifts
So we found out yesterday how much money the djembe and velvet bag sold for at the auction. Two bucks.
In case you haven't been reading this blog, the djembe and velvet bag were two gifts that were given to me by an ex-friend. I guess if I'm going to keep writing about her, I should give her an alias. How about Diana? So Diana gave me those things and after her betrayal and lies, I determined that I did not want them anymore. So to the auction they went. It amuses me that they brought so little, almost as if to say that is what the relationship was worth. I have since remembered a couple of other small things that she gave me, and will send them with my husband in a box to the auction as well.
What I wonder is, has she kept anything that I gave her? The one thing that meant the most to her was a tarot deck and book, the Celtic Tree Tarot, or something like that. She was thrilled beyond words when I gave it to her. I can't imagine that she would give it up after she'd been trying to find it for so long. Of course it will always remind her of me. I gave her a few other things but that is the one that I don't see her willing to part with. The only way would be if she could find another one to replace it. Then again . . . she might get rid of it just because of its connection to me. She would cut off her nose to spite her face, just to "prove" to herself that it didn't mean that much to her. For all I know, she's already given it way or donated it to a thrift store.
She's a big thrift store shopper, and, since we've been going to the auction, I'm rather surprised that it isn't one her haunts. She likes old weird shit, and the auction is full of it, and it's cheap. She either hasn't heard about it at all, or just hasn't bothered to go and see what it's about. I think it would be pretty funny to run into her there. Hell, it would be funny to run into her anywhere. I don't know that she's histrionic enough to think that I would be following her around, but it would be funny if she did. It would take two minutes to establish that my husband is a regular there, and has been for a couple of months now. She'd be proven a liar yet again!
In case you haven't been reading this blog, the djembe and velvet bag were two gifts that were given to me by an ex-friend. I guess if I'm going to keep writing about her, I should give her an alias. How about Diana? So Diana gave me those things and after her betrayal and lies, I determined that I did not want them anymore. So to the auction they went. It amuses me that they brought so little, almost as if to say that is what the relationship was worth. I have since remembered a couple of other small things that she gave me, and will send them with my husband in a box to the auction as well.
What I wonder is, has she kept anything that I gave her? The one thing that meant the most to her was a tarot deck and book, the Celtic Tree Tarot, or something like that. She was thrilled beyond words when I gave it to her. I can't imagine that she would give it up after she'd been trying to find it for so long. Of course it will always remind her of me. I gave her a few other things but that is the one that I don't see her willing to part with. The only way would be if she could find another one to replace it. Then again . . . she might get rid of it just because of its connection to me. She would cut off her nose to spite her face, just to "prove" to herself that it didn't mean that much to her. For all I know, she's already given it way or donated it to a thrift store.
She's a big thrift store shopper, and, since we've been going to the auction, I'm rather surprised that it isn't one her haunts. She likes old weird shit, and the auction is full of it, and it's cheap. She either hasn't heard about it at all, or just hasn't bothered to go and see what it's about. I think it would be pretty funny to run into her there. Hell, it would be funny to run into her anywhere. I don't know that she's histrionic enough to think that I would be following her around, but it would be funny if she did. It would take two minutes to establish that my husband is a regular there, and has been for a couple of months now. She'd be proven a liar yet again!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
motivations
There's nothing quite like beating a dead horse, but on the possibility that certain people might read this, it's worth continuing to rub salt in the wound. So to speak. When you come from a position of certitude, it's easy to accuse and vilify. Which I guess is why I'm back here again.
What amuses me is that until the last couple of weeks I hadn't given a particular person much thought; it was over and done with and that was how I wanted it. But - BUT - she has to come and return that goddamned book just to be a bitch. Yes, I know she was being a bitch, because she did the exact same thing with other people. I know exactly what her mindset was and what she was trying to prove. Perhaps even more so with me, since I'm the one who accused her of being a liar, to have broken a promise, and not followed through on her word. In her warped mind, returning a penny book (on Amazon) would prove -- to her-- that I was wrong, that she really is an honest person.
Now that I know she's got to show up in court in December or be arrested for contempt, I fully believe that she blames me for having cursed her. She's probably kicking herself for telling me all her dirty little secrets. She probably believes I used that knowledge to construct a curse spell on her, to get her back into court, to cause her legal problems. Just as well for me if she does think it. I'll bet she's doing protection spells on herself every day, trying to block me . . . when I haven't lifted a finger (or an athame) to send any energy her way. Other than the black thoughts I've had about what a fucked in the head kook she is.
So what am I accomplishing by continuing this tirade? I guess keeping the energy alive. Even though I haven't done a real "spell," just my disgust and resolve to not let her anywhere near me has power that I'm sure she can feel. She should feel repelled. The only reason I believe she got up the nerve to come by my work was because I haven't been actively conjuring up any self-righteous feelings about her. If she tries anything like that again, I will do something formally.
I wonder what I would do if I saw her somewhere, like in a store. Knowing her, she would come over, all stiff, and say hello -- that is her modus operandi with people she's pissed off. She pretends to be civil and "mature" by saying hello, but it's just so that she can satisfy herself that she's the better person. If she did that to me, I'd have to say something like "go away," or perhaps stronger, "get away from me." Something along those lines, though, would make her think I was afraid of her. So it needs to be dismissive. Or something to freak her out. "David says he's never met you and that you've been stalking him." That would shut her up, ha!
What amuses me is that until the last couple of weeks I hadn't given a particular person much thought; it was over and done with and that was how I wanted it. But - BUT - she has to come and return that goddamned book just to be a bitch. Yes, I know she was being a bitch, because she did the exact same thing with other people. I know exactly what her mindset was and what she was trying to prove. Perhaps even more so with me, since I'm the one who accused her of being a liar, to have broken a promise, and not followed through on her word. In her warped mind, returning a penny book (on Amazon) would prove -- to her-- that I was wrong, that she really is an honest person.
Now that I know she's got to show up in court in December or be arrested for contempt, I fully believe that she blames me for having cursed her. She's probably kicking herself for telling me all her dirty little secrets. She probably believes I used that knowledge to construct a curse spell on her, to get her back into court, to cause her legal problems. Just as well for me if she does think it. I'll bet she's doing protection spells on herself every day, trying to block me . . . when I haven't lifted a finger (or an athame) to send any energy her way. Other than the black thoughts I've had about what a fucked in the head kook she is.
So what am I accomplishing by continuing this tirade? I guess keeping the energy alive. Even though I haven't done a real "spell," just my disgust and resolve to not let her anywhere near me has power that I'm sure she can feel. She should feel repelled. The only reason I believe she got up the nerve to come by my work was because I haven't been actively conjuring up any self-righteous feelings about her. If she tries anything like that again, I will do something formally.
I wonder what I would do if I saw her somewhere, like in a store. Knowing her, she would come over, all stiff, and say hello -- that is her modus operandi with people she's pissed off. She pretends to be civil and "mature" by saying hello, but it's just so that she can satisfy herself that she's the better person. If she did that to me, I'd have to say something like "go away," or perhaps stronger, "get away from me." Something along those lines, though, would make her think I was afraid of her. So it needs to be dismissive. Or something to freak her out. "David says he's never met you and that you've been stalking him." That would shut her up, ha!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
unleashed
As you can see by the number of blogs I've written on the subject, I am quite incensed that a certain ex-friend has made attempts to contact me when I was very clear that I wanted nothing more to do with her, period. She just can't leave it alone. I was perfectly cool with just forgetting she ever existed and not fucking with her. But the more I think about it, the madder it makes me. She should know what I'm capable of, because I gave her a few instances in which I'd hunted down every snippet of information on someone and exposed them for the worthless bums they are.
She has plenty of online infractions that have kept me quite entertained here for the last hour or so. I already knew about her criminal history and that she was on probation for burglary. Now I discover she's got a contempt of court hearing in December; apparently she was ordered to pay about $2500 to someone in a small claims case and has not done so. I'll have to check back after the hearing date and see if she showed up for the hearing - to NOT do so will result in a warrant for her arrest, and I'll get to see her ugly mug on the county sheriff's jail roster site - priceless! And, knowing how she blew off her court-ordered community service because she didn't "feel like" going, I fully expect she won't go to this hearing.
It has taken some time to find the most recent information, because she has and is using several different surnames. I have no idea how many times she's been legally married, or if these are just various aliases she's coined to stay one step ahead of the cops. I know of at least four so far. Who needs so many names unless you have something to hide?
I also remembered that she has a "thing" for a certain new age musician, and used to tell me some bullshit story about how they were lovers in a past life and are meant to be together. She has contacted him and told him this, but, as you might expect, he wants nothing to do with her. She claims he's in denial. She holds out hope that he's going to see the light, or one of her gods will go thump him on the head and he'll come looking for her. I found a Yahoo group devoted to this musician, and another website where someone accused her of being an obsessed whackjob. I am really tempted to e-mail the guy from his website and just ask him if she's been harassing him, and if he's ever encouraged her silly ideas. I doubt it. She talks about him as if they have actually had a relationship in "this" life, but that he couldn't commit. I am suspicious as to whether she's ever actually talked with him at all. I have no doubt that she has e-mailed him many times. The guy is ignoring her, probably thinking he has a kooky stalker. I think he's right.
Anyhootie, the fact that this small claims judgment has come back to haunt her is probably something she's blaming on my black magic. She was ordered to pay it in March, and the contempt hearing was scheduled in September, at the behest of the plaintiff, who doubtless wants his money. I honestly don't remember if she told me about this case or not. She was not reticent about talking about all her legal problems, but of course none of them were her fault. She never denied the burglary but never said that she regretted it, either. I really do think she's a type of sociopath.
She has plenty of online infractions that have kept me quite entertained here for the last hour or so. I already knew about her criminal history and that she was on probation for burglary. Now I discover she's got a contempt of court hearing in December; apparently she was ordered to pay about $2500 to someone in a small claims case and has not done so. I'll have to check back after the hearing date and see if she showed up for the hearing - to NOT do so will result in a warrant for her arrest, and I'll get to see her ugly mug on the county sheriff's jail roster site - priceless! And, knowing how she blew off her court-ordered community service because she didn't "feel like" going, I fully expect she won't go to this hearing.
It has taken some time to find the most recent information, because she has and is using several different surnames. I have no idea how many times she's been legally married, or if these are just various aliases she's coined to stay one step ahead of the cops. I know of at least four so far. Who needs so many names unless you have something to hide?
I also remembered that she has a "thing" for a certain new age musician, and used to tell me some bullshit story about how they were lovers in a past life and are meant to be together. She has contacted him and told him this, but, as you might expect, he wants nothing to do with her. She claims he's in denial. She holds out hope that he's going to see the light, or one of her gods will go thump him on the head and he'll come looking for her. I found a Yahoo group devoted to this musician, and another website where someone accused her of being an obsessed whackjob. I am really tempted to e-mail the guy from his website and just ask him if she's been harassing him, and if he's ever encouraged her silly ideas. I doubt it. She talks about him as if they have actually had a relationship in "this" life, but that he couldn't commit. I am suspicious as to whether she's ever actually talked with him at all. I have no doubt that she has e-mailed him many times. The guy is ignoring her, probably thinking he has a kooky stalker. I think he's right.
Anyhootie, the fact that this small claims judgment has come back to haunt her is probably something she's blaming on my black magic. She was ordered to pay it in March, and the contempt hearing was scheduled in September, at the behest of the plaintiff, who doubtless wants his money. I honestly don't remember if she told me about this case or not. She was not reticent about talking about all her legal problems, but of course none of them were her fault. She never denied the burglary but never said that she regretted it, either. I really do think she's a type of sociopath.
rubbing salt in the wound
I have proof that someone other than me has viewed this blog. I can't say for sure that it's the ex-friend I've been writing about, but I suspect it's either her or one of her last remaining friends. Knowing this gives me inspiration to keep writing here, in hopes of goading enough to elicit an angry response. I think it unlikely that ex-friend could have read this without responding; she is a hothead and if she's managed to restrain herself, it has to be a major feat of self-control.
I like to think of how she reacted when she read that I took the djembe and velvet bag to the auction; no doubt she would have preferred to have them back because she thought they were special gifts. But they were gifts and mine to do with as I pleased. Hell, even if they weren't gifts I'd have had no compunction about getting rid of them. It just makes me giggle to think of her head near to exploding in fury.
The possibility that she's reading this makes me think I should keep writing shit about her just to drive her crazy. I wouldn't bother, and I'd never have started had she not provoked me by her chickenshit attempts to see and/or talk to me. You want contact? Read this, bitch. Read it and see what a joke I think you are, what a waste of a witch. Your fear of facing your darkness keeps you from having true power. Your adherence to the rede and threefold law are every bit as constraining as the Mormonism that you left behind. Your personal demons have nothing to do with your past abuse. They have everything to do with you coming to grips with it, getting past it, and finding your true strength. But your fear will never allow you to be who and what you could be. I should feel sorry for you, but all I feel is contempt. You know what you need to do, and you refuse to do it. This is far worse than one who doesn't know the way to true integrity and honor. You know the way, and you choose not to pursue it. It's made you what you are: a liar, thief, weenie witch. You deserve to question yourself and have no self-respect.
I like to think of how she reacted when she read that I took the djembe and velvet bag to the auction; no doubt she would have preferred to have them back because she thought they were special gifts. But they were gifts and mine to do with as I pleased. Hell, even if they weren't gifts I'd have had no compunction about getting rid of them. It just makes me giggle to think of her head near to exploding in fury.
The possibility that she's reading this makes me think I should keep writing shit about her just to drive her crazy. I wouldn't bother, and I'd never have started had she not provoked me by her chickenshit attempts to see and/or talk to me. You want contact? Read this, bitch. Read it and see what a joke I think you are, what a waste of a witch. Your fear of facing your darkness keeps you from having true power. Your adherence to the rede and threefold law are every bit as constraining as the Mormonism that you left behind. Your personal demons have nothing to do with your past abuse. They have everything to do with you coming to grips with it, getting past it, and finding your true strength. But your fear will never allow you to be who and what you could be. I should feel sorry for you, but all I feel is contempt. You know what you need to do, and you refuse to do it. This is far worse than one who doesn't know the way to true integrity and honor. You know the way, and you choose not to pursue it. It's made you what you are: a liar, thief, weenie witch. You deserve to question yourself and have no self-respect.
blog views
It appears that a few (very few) people have looked at this blog. I'd like to think it is some of those about whom I've written. I believe I did send them a link to this page at one time; now whether or not they remember it or ever came here, I have no idea. The initial post I wrote was intended for them to read, but, in true apathetic fashion, I heard nothing from any of them in regards to its content. I also sent them all a copy of the Oya ritual that I wrote, asking for feedback and/or comments, and heard nothing. So, in addition to the "leader" being a two-faced prevaricator, the others proved themselves to be little better in their attitude.
So if it's one or all of you reading this, I have but a few things to say to you. First, I find it funny that you don't have the balls to comment on anything I've said. Of course I would probably remove it or refute it (if I wanted to waste my time), but the fact that you can't, really makes me laugh.
Second, you'll notice the only time any of you comes to mind and inspires me to write here is when someone contacts me and I am reminded. Otherwise, I give little thought to any of you or your pathetic little machinations. As I stated in my previous entry, I feel no need nor interest in "cursing" any of you. There's no point in cursing people who are their own worst enemies. And, frankly, I didn't think you were worth my time and effort. When I am done with something or someone, I am done. That means I couldn't care less what you are doing, what little rituals you are bleating. I don't wish you well, I just wish you out of my life. You are all dead to me.
Thirdly, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't try any more tricks to bring me anywhere near you. I think our mutual friend was used by one of you in particular to try to get us to a Samhain party. I think you orchestrated it; I do not believe he would be party to it if he knew your real motives. And if you find anything else of mine lying around your house . . . keep it, donate it, or trash it. I don't want it back, and I don't want your puerile attempts to remind me that you still exist. I really don't care.
Now, if you persist on trying to contact me or draw me somewhere so you can have the "last word" or whatever it is you want to say to me, I may have to resort to some sort of magick to keep you the fuck away from me. And it won't be benign; it will be "do whatever needs to be done." That means, if you have to die to be kept away from me, so be it. Permanently maimed, so be it. Caught stealing yet again and put in jail, so be it. I'll leave it up to the gods.
Oh, keep coming here if you want to. I'll only be posting if there's been some attempt to contact me or bother me.
So if it's one or all of you reading this, I have but a few things to say to you. First, I find it funny that you don't have the balls to comment on anything I've said. Of course I would probably remove it or refute it (if I wanted to waste my time), but the fact that you can't, really makes me laugh.
Second, you'll notice the only time any of you comes to mind and inspires me to write here is when someone contacts me and I am reminded. Otherwise, I give little thought to any of you or your pathetic little machinations. As I stated in my previous entry, I feel no need nor interest in "cursing" any of you. There's no point in cursing people who are their own worst enemies. And, frankly, I didn't think you were worth my time and effort. When I am done with something or someone, I am done. That means I couldn't care less what you are doing, what little rituals you are bleating. I don't wish you well, I just wish you out of my life. You are all dead to me.
Thirdly, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't try any more tricks to bring me anywhere near you. I think our mutual friend was used by one of you in particular to try to get us to a Samhain party. I think you orchestrated it; I do not believe he would be party to it if he knew your real motives. And if you find anything else of mine lying around your house . . . keep it, donate it, or trash it. I don't want it back, and I don't want your puerile attempts to remind me that you still exist. I really don't care.
Now, if you persist on trying to contact me or draw me somewhere so you can have the "last word" or whatever it is you want to say to me, I may have to resort to some sort of magick to keep you the fuck away from me. And it won't be benign; it will be "do whatever needs to be done." That means, if you have to die to be kept away from me, so be it. Permanently maimed, so be it. Caught stealing yet again and put in jail, so be it. I'll leave it up to the gods.
Oh, keep coming here if you want to. I'll only be posting if there's been some attempt to contact me or bother me.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Teenager antics
So, this ex-friend of whom I have written found an excuse to remind me she still exists (these kinds of people always do). She came to the drive-thru window of my workplace this week -- too bad I wasn't the one who waited on her -- and gave my boss a bag with one of my books in it. It was "Women Who Run With the Wolves" that I had forgotten I even loaned her. She wrote my name on one of her "business" cards (she's supposedly selling fresh herbs), which also bears a new e-mail address. She probably changed hers right after our tiff out of fear that I would contact her -- even though I told her that last day that I had blocked her and if she had any ideas about making new e-mail accounts and harassing me, I had the capability to block 500 e-mail addresses. Knowing her, she still believes I would do something.
What makes this so interesting and pathetic is, the first thing I thought of was how a girl who likes a boy will leave something of hers in his car or apartment, like a sweater, gloves, etc., just so she'll have an excuse to call him after their date. I'll bet when ex-friend found this book among her trash (her house is worse than mine, and that's saying something), she rejoiced at the thought that it was the excuse she needed to remind me that she was still "around."
I'd love to have seen her reaction if I had been the one to come to the window. She's got a history of doing this kind of thing. She made a couple of trips to the witchy group we both left to return things to them. It's all such hypocrisy because she's not a truthful person, has no sense of obligation to any commitment she's made, and has that criminal record I mentioned previously. Yet she has to make a "show" out of returning things that don't belong to her. I'm sure glad as hell I didn't loan her that money she asked me for a few months before this all blew up. I knew even then that I'd never get it back if I gave it to her. I knew all along what sort of person she was. I guess the only reason I endured her as long as I did was that it was interesting watching the train on its route to the trainwreck. Though there were quite a few little accidents along the way that proved to be amusing enough.
Now, if I had anything of hers (and I can't think of anything that I borrowed), I wouldn't give it back. Why? Because I simply don't want any contact with her, even it was to leave it on her doorstep. She would take it as a sign of weakness, or some indication that I was thinking about her and I was having regrets. Fuck that. I do have a few things that she gave me as gifts. One was a small djembe drum which I sent to the auction to be sold, along with a small velvet bag. Neither of these things were bad in and of themselves, but they still had some of her residual energy stuck to them, and, frankly, I don't need it or want it. I have a much bigger, better drum now, and I can make myself a velvet bag (better than that one) if I feel like it.
I just find it so amusing that she's still obsessing on me and finding these subtle ways to remind me that she hasn't gone away. Typical Scorpio, though. Thinking they're so sneaky and clever and dark -- when she is scared shitless of anything left-hand. I'll bet that if anything bad has happened to her since we had our last words, she blames me for it. I'm sure she thinks I ran right out that night and asked the gods to rain down hellfire upon her. She thinks I cared that much!! Frankly, she isn't worth the effort. I have nothing to fear from her, she has no power to affect me because she is limited by her fears. Why would I bother to curse someone like that? She's making her own hell without any help from me.
What makes this so interesting and pathetic is, the first thing I thought of was how a girl who likes a boy will leave something of hers in his car or apartment, like a sweater, gloves, etc., just so she'll have an excuse to call him after their date. I'll bet when ex-friend found this book among her trash (her house is worse than mine, and that's saying something), she rejoiced at the thought that it was the excuse she needed to remind me that she was still "around."
I'd love to have seen her reaction if I had been the one to come to the window. She's got a history of doing this kind of thing. She made a couple of trips to the witchy group we both left to return things to them. It's all such hypocrisy because she's not a truthful person, has no sense of obligation to any commitment she's made, and has that criminal record I mentioned previously. Yet she has to make a "show" out of returning things that don't belong to her. I'm sure glad as hell I didn't loan her that money she asked me for a few months before this all blew up. I knew even then that I'd never get it back if I gave it to her. I knew all along what sort of person she was. I guess the only reason I endured her as long as I did was that it was interesting watching the train on its route to the trainwreck. Though there were quite a few little accidents along the way that proved to be amusing enough.
Now, if I had anything of hers (and I can't think of anything that I borrowed), I wouldn't give it back. Why? Because I simply don't want any contact with her, even it was to leave it on her doorstep. She would take it as a sign of weakness, or some indication that I was thinking about her and I was having regrets. Fuck that. I do have a few things that she gave me as gifts. One was a small djembe drum which I sent to the auction to be sold, along with a small velvet bag. Neither of these things were bad in and of themselves, but they still had some of her residual energy stuck to them, and, frankly, I don't need it or want it. I have a much bigger, better drum now, and I can make myself a velvet bag (better than that one) if I feel like it.
I just find it so amusing that she's still obsessing on me and finding these subtle ways to remind me that she hasn't gone away. Typical Scorpio, though. Thinking they're so sneaky and clever and dark -- when she is scared shitless of anything left-hand. I'll bet that if anything bad has happened to her since we had our last words, she blames me for it. I'm sure she thinks I ran right out that night and asked the gods to rain down hellfire upon her. She thinks I cared that much!! Frankly, she isn't worth the effort. I have nothing to fear from her, she has no power to affect me because she is limited by her fears. Why would I bother to curse someone like that? She's making her own hell without any help from me.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Sneaky part 2
This is a follow-up to my previous post. I finally got another message from the friend who invited us to his Samhain event. He suggested the Saturday before, asked me if we were free then. As luck would have it, between the first e-mail and this most recent one, we accepted an invitation to a Halloween party that Saturday. So I was able to give him an honest answer that we had already made plans for that day. I really hate disappointing him, because he is a nice man, sincere in his beliefs, and he wouldn't have invited us if he didn't truly want us there. Still, knowing (and I have no doubt) that this other "person" would be there, I am glad that I had a real reason for declining and didn't have to lie to him.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Sneaky
I got an e-mail last night from a pagan friend, inviting us to a Samhain celebration at his home. It was unexpected, and I'm trying to decide if there is an ulterior motive behind it or not. He is a mutual friend of mine and the woman whom I feel betrayed a trust about a month and a half ago. The two of them have known each other for quite a long time, and are good friends. She's a bit histrionic and he's a bit longwinded, but they've done some nice rituals together. Now, I can totally see her going to him and asking him to invite us to his event because she wants to "resolve" some things with me. However, I find it harder to believe that he would go along with any such scheme. He takes his path seriously, and he wouldn't want any bullshit going on at his ritual, in his home. What I can see him doing is facilitating a place for the two of us (me and my ex-friend) to see each other and possibly open the door to a reconciliation. So, bottom line is, I don't know if I'm being played or not.
Fortunately, the two nights he proposed for the Samhain ritual are impossible for us, so I just e-mailed him a polite decline. I was sorely tempted to ask him if our this woman had put him up to inviting us, but I didn't. I figure if that is his motive, he will find another way to try to finagle it. Or she will find him a way to do it. I rather doubt that he would be party to such a thing, as he abhors drama. Yet there is a tiny part of me that thinks he might decide to play mediator, or might think he knows what's "best," and try to get us together. Still, I'm leaning to thinking he doesn't want any part of our tiff.
Now, my ex-friend . . . I can totally see her trying to wangle a way to see me and try to convince me she's right and I'm wrong. If she did convince our male friend to invite us, I'm a bit confused at to why she would want my husband there. She won't admit it, and goes to great pains to make a show of being tough, but I do believe she's afraid of him and his power. I know she's intimidated by his patron god, even though she disparages him at every turn. So I really don't think she's stupid enough to try to start something with me when my husband is there.
What's vexing me is, why were we invited to this event at all, after what happened between me and this woman. I can't imagine he'd be naive enough to think that we could stand in circle together, or that some sort of animosity would not at the very least, be sensed by everyone there. I will not stand in circle with her. And oh yes, I'm certain he's invited her, because they are very tight. See, I don't believe in this idea that you can put aside your differences and stand in circle with someone you don't respect or trust. To me, that is the antithesis of my belief system. I refuse to pretend or to tolerate when it comes to honoring deity. I suppose he might think that it's the "right thing to do," but to me it is the height of hypocrisy. I'm glad I had an "out" for both nights. Avoiding the situation altogether is the best route to take. I'm not averse to seeing him or having rituals with him -- but if she's going to be there, I won't be. Simple as that. And if he presses me about it, I will tell him. Although I'm sure she's already given him her side of it . ad nauseum. Which means, since he invited us to his event, that he either doesn't believe her, knows there is more to it than she is telling him, or simply doesn't care that we had a falling out. I suspect the latter.
Out of respect for him, his home, and his ritual, I believed the best thing to do was to just not go. And since we do have legitimate conflicts, I have no guilt. Now, if he suggests a different time . . . I may have to fib a little bit. Or else simply tell him the truth - that I don't want to see that woman, and I refuse to stand in circle. Nor will I be in the same room with her and fake some sort of tolerance.
It will be interesting to see if he contacts me again.
Fortunately, the two nights he proposed for the Samhain ritual are impossible for us, so I just e-mailed him a polite decline. I was sorely tempted to ask him if our this woman had put him up to inviting us, but I didn't. I figure if that is his motive, he will find another way to try to finagle it. Or she will find him a way to do it. I rather doubt that he would be party to such a thing, as he abhors drama. Yet there is a tiny part of me that thinks he might decide to play mediator, or might think he knows what's "best," and try to get us together. Still, I'm leaning to thinking he doesn't want any part of our tiff.
Now, my ex-friend . . . I can totally see her trying to wangle a way to see me and try to convince me she's right and I'm wrong. If she did convince our male friend to invite us, I'm a bit confused at to why she would want my husband there. She won't admit it, and goes to great pains to make a show of being tough, but I do believe she's afraid of him and his power. I know she's intimidated by his patron god, even though she disparages him at every turn. So I really don't think she's stupid enough to try to start something with me when my husband is there.
What's vexing me is, why were we invited to this event at all, after what happened between me and this woman. I can't imagine he'd be naive enough to think that we could stand in circle together, or that some sort of animosity would not at the very least, be sensed by everyone there. I will not stand in circle with her. And oh yes, I'm certain he's invited her, because they are very tight. See, I don't believe in this idea that you can put aside your differences and stand in circle with someone you don't respect or trust. To me, that is the antithesis of my belief system. I refuse to pretend or to tolerate when it comes to honoring deity. I suppose he might think that it's the "right thing to do," but to me it is the height of hypocrisy. I'm glad I had an "out" for both nights. Avoiding the situation altogether is the best route to take. I'm not averse to seeing him or having rituals with him -- but if she's going to be there, I won't be. Simple as that. And if he presses me about it, I will tell him. Although I'm sure she's already given him her side of it . ad nauseum. Which means, since he invited us to his event, that he either doesn't believe her, knows there is more to it than she is telling him, or simply doesn't care that we had a falling out. I suspect the latter.
Out of respect for him, his home, and his ritual, I believed the best thing to do was to just not go. And since we do have legitimate conflicts, I have no guilt. Now, if he suggests a different time . . . I may have to fib a little bit. Or else simply tell him the truth - that I don't want to see that woman, and I refuse to stand in circle. Nor will I be in the same room with her and fake some sort of tolerance.
It will be interesting to see if he contacts me again.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Pagan Lip Service
One of the many reasons that I've disassociated myself from "organized" pagan groups in my area is the hypocrisy I've seen in regards to working for and in the community. Unfortunately, these particular people are of the "fluffy" bent and self-centeredly focused on their so-called personal development to the exclusion of helping anyone else, including their own group.
It is my belief that a pagan should do whatever he/she can to make the world around them a better place. Whether that is through kindness, volunteering, donating -- whatever it may be -- I believe we have a duty to our gods and our own credibility to work for the good of humanity in some capacity. I would assert that most pagans never consider this sort of thing as being part of their spirituality, and what their gods expect of them. They think it is all about finding themselves as witches, learning spells, doing rituals, communing with bunnies and fairies. One does have to know oneself, of course, in this path. However, finding oneself through love and work for others is one of the more meaningful ways to experience one's spirituality.
I call bullshit on the vast majority of pagan groups. One in particular that I used to be part of had over 100 members. My husband and I approached the leader of this group on several occasions and challenged her to get her group together to do something for the community, such as a food drive, or some sort of volunteer work on a regular basis. She blew us off, claiming that her focus was on "education." Well, naturally. We all know that you can't possibly learn anything by helping people.
What's ironic is, we also have a friend who is pastor of a pentecostal church, that has around 50 members. He and his parishioners have a building that they use to serve meals to the needy every week, they give out food and members donate items for people to take for free. This tiny group is making a real difference in its community. My husband and I have volunteered with his church on many occasions, and it frustrates us that we have to help a Christian group because there are no Pagans in this town who give a shit about the needy. Yes, I said it. They don't give a shit. And that makes me sick.
Now, why would this be so? Why would Pagans flat out not care about the needy, and have no interest in helping them? Part of it is because most of the Pagans we know are a bit needy themselves. Many of them receive charity of local organizations. I can understand to an extent being needy yourself and having nothing material to donate to others. However, volunteering to help at the mission, or the women's shelter does not cost any money. But they cannot be bothered, all they can see is their own "neediness" and their frustrating inability to manifest anything materially for themselves. They never stop to think that the gods are not lavishing them with cash and prizes because they are selfish and greedy.
I believe another reason that Pagans don't organize to help the community is because most of them are scared shitless of being "outed" as Pagans, or witches. They flit around all perky and "proud" of their paths, yet cannot openly be who they are. Now, this may be prudent in some cases, depending on where you live, your job, etc. However, with freedom of religion and the fact that the law protects us, these fears are largely just an excuse. Basically, they are 'playing witch' with their little group of friends, and go home to their real life where being witches is under wraps until the next playtime.
So you may be thinking to yourself that it's all high-and-mighty of me to be calling out Pagans . . . what have I done? Well, as I mentioned, we help our Christian friend with his work. We've also collected and donated food to rescue mission. My husband serves on a local interfaith hunger organization, openly as a Pagan. He is one of the most visible Pagans in this town, because he's not afraid to be known as a Pagan. These people who lead the pagan groups in this town tend to hide within their group, and couldn't care less about trying to make this world a better place.
It's also sickening to listen to Pagans badmouth Christians and Christianity, yet sit on their asses and do nothing to improve life in this town. They are insular, fearful, selfish, and small-minded. They stay within their little cliques and trust no one else. Why would they help the community at large? That's what Christian charity is for. How convenient. Justification of laziness.
I thought I had found a small group of women who might actually do something, get involved in some kind of real work. But no, it was the same old shit. The priestess blew off my idea of volunteering hands-on. She wanted to donate clothes to the women's shelter or participate in a fundraising breast cancer marathon. Those are nice things, but they aren't getting out there and really working in the community. Laziness. Fear. Someone might find out we're witches and then . . . and then WHAT? Fuck.
I'm sick of do-nothing Pagans who only sing to the gods to hear their own voices (to paraphrase Lilith). It's me and my husband, and no more will I waste my time on so-called pagans who don't give a shit about their city and their fellow citizens. They should all be ashamed of themselves for their selfish arrogance.
It is my belief that a pagan should do whatever he/she can to make the world around them a better place. Whether that is through kindness, volunteering, donating -- whatever it may be -- I believe we have a duty to our gods and our own credibility to work for the good of humanity in some capacity. I would assert that most pagans never consider this sort of thing as being part of their spirituality, and what their gods expect of them. They think it is all about finding themselves as witches, learning spells, doing rituals, communing with bunnies and fairies. One does have to know oneself, of course, in this path. However, finding oneself through love and work for others is one of the more meaningful ways to experience one's spirituality.
I call bullshit on the vast majority of pagan groups. One in particular that I used to be part of had over 100 members. My husband and I approached the leader of this group on several occasions and challenged her to get her group together to do something for the community, such as a food drive, or some sort of volunteer work on a regular basis. She blew us off, claiming that her focus was on "education." Well, naturally. We all know that you can't possibly learn anything by helping people.
What's ironic is, we also have a friend who is pastor of a pentecostal church, that has around 50 members. He and his parishioners have a building that they use to serve meals to the needy every week, they give out food and members donate items for people to take for free. This tiny group is making a real difference in its community. My husband and I have volunteered with his church on many occasions, and it frustrates us that we have to help a Christian group because there are no Pagans in this town who give a shit about the needy. Yes, I said it. They don't give a shit. And that makes me sick.
Now, why would this be so? Why would Pagans flat out not care about the needy, and have no interest in helping them? Part of it is because most of the Pagans we know are a bit needy themselves. Many of them receive charity of local organizations. I can understand to an extent being needy yourself and having nothing material to donate to others. However, volunteering to help at the mission, or the women's shelter does not cost any money. But they cannot be bothered, all they can see is their own "neediness" and their frustrating inability to manifest anything materially for themselves. They never stop to think that the gods are not lavishing them with cash and prizes because they are selfish and greedy.
I believe another reason that Pagans don't organize to help the community is because most of them are scared shitless of being "outed" as Pagans, or witches. They flit around all perky and "proud" of their paths, yet cannot openly be who they are. Now, this may be prudent in some cases, depending on where you live, your job, etc. However, with freedom of religion and the fact that the law protects us, these fears are largely just an excuse. Basically, they are 'playing witch' with their little group of friends, and go home to their real life where being witches is under wraps until the next playtime.
So you may be thinking to yourself that it's all high-and-mighty of me to be calling out Pagans . . . what have I done? Well, as I mentioned, we help our Christian friend with his work. We've also collected and donated food to rescue mission. My husband serves on a local interfaith hunger organization, openly as a Pagan. He is one of the most visible Pagans in this town, because he's not afraid to be known as a Pagan. These people who lead the pagan groups in this town tend to hide within their group, and couldn't care less about trying to make this world a better place.
It's also sickening to listen to Pagans badmouth Christians and Christianity, yet sit on their asses and do nothing to improve life in this town. They are insular, fearful, selfish, and small-minded. They stay within their little cliques and trust no one else. Why would they help the community at large? That's what Christian charity is for. How convenient. Justification of laziness.
I thought I had found a small group of women who might actually do something, get involved in some kind of real work. But no, it was the same old shit. The priestess blew off my idea of volunteering hands-on. She wanted to donate clothes to the women's shelter or participate in a fundraising breast cancer marathon. Those are nice things, but they aren't getting out there and really working in the community. Laziness. Fear. Someone might find out we're witches and then . . . and then WHAT? Fuck.
I'm sick of do-nothing Pagans who only sing to the gods to hear their own voices (to paraphrase Lilith). It's me and my husband, and no more will I waste my time on so-called pagans who don't give a shit about their city and their fellow citizens. They should all be ashamed of themselves for their selfish arrogance.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Witch Ethics
I've had a recent "incident" that made me stop and think about ethics among witches, and what we should and should not tolerate among ourselves. I'm the first to admit that I make mistakes, and would never deign to pretend otherwise. But mistakes are far different from repeated behaviors, and out-and-out lies and hypocrisy. How someone chooses to live their life is none of my business even if I don't particularly respect it. However, standing in circle with people whom I don't respect really flies in the face of "in perfect love and perfect trust."
Let's say a group of witches makes an agreement in person among themselves to do something. It is presumed that they are all of the same mind, and that this is something that they are all in favor of, and there is really no reason to check up on each other to confirm that said "thing" has been done. When one of them discovers that another has not followed through, what do you think should happen? I got pissed off. Especially because the person in question had attacked ME for something involving this same "thing," yet she had not done what she had agreed to do in the first place. When I confronted her, she told me she would do it when she felt damn good and ready to, and that I had no right to question her. Weelllll. Maybe she didn't think I had any right, but I have every confidence that her patron goddess will have a thing or two to tell her about hypocrisy.
The same person has quite a criminal record, and cannot seem to learn from her "mistakes." She has been evicted from residences, been held in contempt of court for not following through on court orders, been convicted of theft and put on probation, and told me in person that she was supposed to community service, but just didn't "feel like it." Now, it's one thing to make mistakes. It's quite another to, as this person seems to be doing, deliberately thumb your nose at the law and suffer the consequences. Is she trying to be some sort of martyr for laws she sees as too restrictive on her as a "witch"? Or is it just plain, blind stubborness and laziness, taking things that don't belong to you, living somewhere without bothering to pay rent, and not showing up for court-ordered obligations? I really don't get it. I've never been arrested but I know that anyone can make a mistake. But to repeatedly do things like this, almost as if the law doesn't apply to you . . . I have to question one's grip on reality, not to mention one's fitness to serve in any capacity as pagan clergy. Or, as far as I'm concerned, be taken seriously among pagans. There is a screw loose somewhere, and there is concern as to this person's truthfulness and trustworthiness. Or there should be.
For me, these things were all dealbreakers. I believe that pagans must have a standard of ethics. Not living up to your obligations, taking things that don't belong to you, and lying about what you say you're going to do are traits of sociopaths. Anyone who pretends to be on a 'sacred path' will understand that these behaviors are the antithesis of what we are. You don't violate the personal space and belongings of others, and you don't lie on purpose. This person has a long way to go to have any credibility as a pagan, and I hope that anyone who works with her will recognize her instability. She has emotional issues as well as being incredibly scattered. She needs to get a grip on herself and her behavior before she should ever be considered for any position of authority.
Ethics matter, and they should. We owe it to each other to be honest and honorable. We must be people who do what we say we will do, and fulfill our commitments. If we ever hope to be respected among ourselves or other groups, this is vital.
Let's say a group of witches makes an agreement in person among themselves to do something. It is presumed that they are all of the same mind, and that this is something that they are all in favor of, and there is really no reason to check up on each other to confirm that said "thing" has been done. When one of them discovers that another has not followed through, what do you think should happen? I got pissed off. Especially because the person in question had attacked ME for something involving this same "thing," yet she had not done what she had agreed to do in the first place. When I confronted her, she told me she would do it when she felt damn good and ready to, and that I had no right to question her. Weelllll. Maybe she didn't think I had any right, but I have every confidence that her patron goddess will have a thing or two to tell her about hypocrisy.
The same person has quite a criminal record, and cannot seem to learn from her "mistakes." She has been evicted from residences, been held in contempt of court for not following through on court orders, been convicted of theft and put on probation, and told me in person that she was supposed to community service, but just didn't "feel like it." Now, it's one thing to make mistakes. It's quite another to, as this person seems to be doing, deliberately thumb your nose at the law and suffer the consequences. Is she trying to be some sort of martyr for laws she sees as too restrictive on her as a "witch"? Or is it just plain, blind stubborness and laziness, taking things that don't belong to you, living somewhere without bothering to pay rent, and not showing up for court-ordered obligations? I really don't get it. I've never been arrested but I know that anyone can make a mistake. But to repeatedly do things like this, almost as if the law doesn't apply to you . . . I have to question one's grip on reality, not to mention one's fitness to serve in any capacity as pagan clergy. Or, as far as I'm concerned, be taken seriously among pagans. There is a screw loose somewhere, and there is concern as to this person's truthfulness and trustworthiness. Or there should be.
For me, these things were all dealbreakers. I believe that pagans must have a standard of ethics. Not living up to your obligations, taking things that don't belong to you, and lying about what you say you're going to do are traits of sociopaths. Anyone who pretends to be on a 'sacred path' will understand that these behaviors are the antithesis of what we are. You don't violate the personal space and belongings of others, and you don't lie on purpose. This person has a long way to go to have any credibility as a pagan, and I hope that anyone who works with her will recognize her instability. She has emotional issues as well as being incredibly scattered. She needs to get a grip on herself and her behavior before she should ever be considered for any position of authority.
Ethics matter, and they should. We owe it to each other to be honest and honorable. We must be people who do what we say we will do, and fulfill our commitments. If we ever hope to be respected among ourselves or other groups, this is vital.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Isis Ring
Yesterday my husband was going through some boxes in the garage and found an Isis ring that he had bought years ago on the Oregon coast. Something about it 'spoke' to me. It looked like it might be copper. I didn't get around to cleaning it until last night and it is NOT copper; it is silver. I believe it is real silver. A lot of tarnish came off it when I used a metal cleaner, and it has a nice sheen to it. The detail in the figure and the wings is very tiny; it's a band with the wingspan going about halfway around the circle of the ring. It fits on my middle finger and he said I could have it. It feels good wearing it.
I invoked Isis in my last Horus ritual; I can't remember exactly why now. I can't find the book where I wrote the ritual. I do remember that I called Isis and Horus, and she seemed to be more present than he did, but then he is a rather vague, inscrutable god. It has got me to wondering if I should work with her a little and see what happens. The Bob Dylan song "Isis" has been running in my head ever since I got the ring, though it has little to do with her. It is still a weird song, full of intriguing imagery.
I invoked Isis in my last Horus ritual; I can't remember exactly why now. I can't find the book where I wrote the ritual. I do remember that I called Isis and Horus, and she seemed to be more present than he did, but then he is a rather vague, inscrutable god. It has got me to wondering if I should work with her a little and see what happens. The Bob Dylan song "Isis" has been running in my head ever since I got the ring, though it has little to do with her. It is still a weird song, full of intriguing imagery.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
the boline
Sylverwytch ordered a boline for me, since I have been wanting one and never had one. What arrived is a bit larger than I expected, but it has the curved blade and some real cutting power! It is a Japanese tool for bonsai, in actuality. It has a very light wood handle, almost white. I could woodburn on it, if I had any talent in that regard. I've used it to cut herbs already, and it works beautifully. I feel like such a garden witch when I wield it in my hand, lol!
Circle Casting....
In contemplating new ways to ritual, I've been considered the practice of casting a circle in which to perform a rite. There are a lot of ways to do it, but it seems to be assumed that a circle MUST be cast. It serves as protection, and to contain the energy raised in that space until it is released. Makes sense, yes? But there is something in me that chafes against doing things the way it is "assumed" they have to be done. Let us consider how we might protect ourselves and contain energy without casting a circle.
Each participant will protect him/herself in their chosen way. Grounding, centering, visualization, smudging. All can agree to the protection method and do it together before the ritual, if they so choose. Each one then has a self-contained protective shield. I mean, really, don't many of us maintain such a shield all the time anyway, to guard against even the most mundane outside influences? Is a circle even necessary in addition to this?
The containment of energy may be a little more tricky. If the group is comfortable with each other with full trust and openness, each one should be capable of raising and holding energy until the Priest/ess directs all to release it. In some way, I can see this method as being even more powerful than all energies mingling together in a circle's cone of power. Each individual's energy is released to do the work of that person. We all stress our individuality as witches; would not this then serve to send out our unique desires to the universe and our will to be manifested?
I'm just brainstorming here. I know Sylverwytch and I disagree on this topic; he is a firm believer in casting a circle. With all his knowledge, I am hesitant to disagree. However, I think it would be interesting to try this approach and see how it works.
Thoughts, comments???
Each participant will protect him/herself in their chosen way. Grounding, centering, visualization, smudging. All can agree to the protection method and do it together before the ritual, if they so choose. Each one then has a self-contained protective shield. I mean, really, don't many of us maintain such a shield all the time anyway, to guard against even the most mundane outside influences? Is a circle even necessary in addition to this?
The containment of energy may be a little more tricky. If the group is comfortable with each other with full trust and openness, each one should be capable of raising and holding energy until the Priest/ess directs all to release it. In some way, I can see this method as being even more powerful than all energies mingling together in a circle's cone of power. Each individual's energy is released to do the work of that person. We all stress our individuality as witches; would not this then serve to send out our unique desires to the universe and our will to be manifested?
I'm just brainstorming here. I know Sylverwytch and I disagree on this topic; he is a firm believer in casting a circle. With all his knowledge, I am hesitant to disagree. However, I think it would be interesting to try this approach and see how it works.
Thoughts, comments???
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