I got an e-mail last night from a pagan friend, inviting us to a Samhain celebration at his home. It was unexpected, and I'm trying to decide if there is an ulterior motive behind it or not. He is a mutual friend of mine and the woman whom I feel betrayed a trust about a month and a half ago. The two of them have known each other for quite a long time, and are good friends. She's a bit histrionic and he's a bit longwinded, but they've done some nice rituals together. Now, I can totally see her going to him and asking him to invite us to his event because she wants to "resolve" some things with me. However, I find it harder to believe that he would go along with any such scheme. He takes his path seriously, and he wouldn't want any bullshit going on at his ritual, in his home. What I can see him doing is facilitating a place for the two of us (me and my ex-friend) to see each other and possibly open the door to a reconciliation. So, bottom line is, I don't know if I'm being played or not.
Fortunately, the two nights he proposed for the Samhain ritual are impossible for us, so I just e-mailed him a polite decline. I was sorely tempted to ask him if our this woman had put him up to inviting us, but I didn't. I figure if that is his motive, he will find another way to try to finagle it. Or she will find him a way to do it. I rather doubt that he would be party to such a thing, as he abhors drama. Yet there is a tiny part of me that thinks he might decide to play mediator, or might think he knows what's "best," and try to get us together. Still, I'm leaning to thinking he doesn't want any part of our tiff.
Now, my ex-friend . . . I can totally see her trying to wangle a way to see me and try to convince me she's right and I'm wrong. If she did convince our male friend to invite us, I'm a bit confused at to why she would want my husband there. She won't admit it, and goes to great pains to make a show of being tough, but I do believe she's afraid of him and his power. I know she's intimidated by his patron god, even though she disparages him at every turn. So I really don't think she's stupid enough to try to start something with me when my husband is there.
What's vexing me is, why were we invited to this event at all, after what happened between me and this woman. I can't imagine he'd be naive enough to think that we could stand in circle together, or that some sort of animosity would not at the very least, be sensed by everyone there. I will not stand in circle with her. And oh yes, I'm certain he's invited her, because they are very tight. See, I don't believe in this idea that you can put aside your differences and stand in circle with someone you don't respect or trust. To me, that is the antithesis of my belief system. I refuse to pretend or to tolerate when it comes to honoring deity. I suppose he might think that it's the "right thing to do," but to me it is the height of hypocrisy. I'm glad I had an "out" for both nights. Avoiding the situation altogether is the best route to take. I'm not averse to seeing him or having rituals with him -- but if she's going to be there, I won't be. Simple as that. And if he presses me about it, I will tell him. Although I'm sure she's already given him her side of it . ad nauseum. Which means, since he invited us to his event, that he either doesn't believe her, knows there is more to it than she is telling him, or simply doesn't care that we had a falling out. I suspect the latter.
Out of respect for him, his home, and his ritual, I believed the best thing to do was to just not go. And since we do have legitimate conflicts, I have no guilt. Now, if he suggests a different time . . . I may have to fib a little bit. Or else simply tell him the truth - that I don't want to see that woman, and I refuse to stand in circle. Nor will I be in the same room with her and fake some sort of tolerance.
It will be interesting to see if he contacts me again.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Pagan Lip Service
One of the many reasons that I've disassociated myself from "organized" pagan groups in my area is the hypocrisy I've seen in regards to working for and in the community. Unfortunately, these particular people are of the "fluffy" bent and self-centeredly focused on their so-called personal development to the exclusion of helping anyone else, including their own group.
It is my belief that a pagan should do whatever he/she can to make the world around them a better place. Whether that is through kindness, volunteering, donating -- whatever it may be -- I believe we have a duty to our gods and our own credibility to work for the good of humanity in some capacity. I would assert that most pagans never consider this sort of thing as being part of their spirituality, and what their gods expect of them. They think it is all about finding themselves as witches, learning spells, doing rituals, communing with bunnies and fairies. One does have to know oneself, of course, in this path. However, finding oneself through love and work for others is one of the more meaningful ways to experience one's spirituality.
I call bullshit on the vast majority of pagan groups. One in particular that I used to be part of had over 100 members. My husband and I approached the leader of this group on several occasions and challenged her to get her group together to do something for the community, such as a food drive, or some sort of volunteer work on a regular basis. She blew us off, claiming that her focus was on "education." Well, naturally. We all know that you can't possibly learn anything by helping people.
What's ironic is, we also have a friend who is pastor of a pentecostal church, that has around 50 members. He and his parishioners have a building that they use to serve meals to the needy every week, they give out food and members donate items for people to take for free. This tiny group is making a real difference in its community. My husband and I have volunteered with his church on many occasions, and it frustrates us that we have to help a Christian group because there are no Pagans in this town who give a shit about the needy. Yes, I said it. They don't give a shit. And that makes me sick.
Now, why would this be so? Why would Pagans flat out not care about the needy, and have no interest in helping them? Part of it is because most of the Pagans we know are a bit needy themselves. Many of them receive charity of local organizations. I can understand to an extent being needy yourself and having nothing material to donate to others. However, volunteering to help at the mission, or the women's shelter does not cost any money. But they cannot be bothered, all they can see is their own "neediness" and their frustrating inability to manifest anything materially for themselves. They never stop to think that the gods are not lavishing them with cash and prizes because they are selfish and greedy.
I believe another reason that Pagans don't organize to help the community is because most of them are scared shitless of being "outed" as Pagans, or witches. They flit around all perky and "proud" of their paths, yet cannot openly be who they are. Now, this may be prudent in some cases, depending on where you live, your job, etc. However, with freedom of religion and the fact that the law protects us, these fears are largely just an excuse. Basically, they are 'playing witch' with their little group of friends, and go home to their real life where being witches is under wraps until the next playtime.
So you may be thinking to yourself that it's all high-and-mighty of me to be calling out Pagans . . . what have I done? Well, as I mentioned, we help our Christian friend with his work. We've also collected and donated food to rescue mission. My husband serves on a local interfaith hunger organization, openly as a Pagan. He is one of the most visible Pagans in this town, because he's not afraid to be known as a Pagan. These people who lead the pagan groups in this town tend to hide within their group, and couldn't care less about trying to make this world a better place.
It's also sickening to listen to Pagans badmouth Christians and Christianity, yet sit on their asses and do nothing to improve life in this town. They are insular, fearful, selfish, and small-minded. They stay within their little cliques and trust no one else. Why would they help the community at large? That's what Christian charity is for. How convenient. Justification of laziness.
I thought I had found a small group of women who might actually do something, get involved in some kind of real work. But no, it was the same old shit. The priestess blew off my idea of volunteering hands-on. She wanted to donate clothes to the women's shelter or participate in a fundraising breast cancer marathon. Those are nice things, but they aren't getting out there and really working in the community. Laziness. Fear. Someone might find out we're witches and then . . . and then WHAT? Fuck.
I'm sick of do-nothing Pagans who only sing to the gods to hear their own voices (to paraphrase Lilith). It's me and my husband, and no more will I waste my time on so-called pagans who don't give a shit about their city and their fellow citizens. They should all be ashamed of themselves for their selfish arrogance.
It is my belief that a pagan should do whatever he/she can to make the world around them a better place. Whether that is through kindness, volunteering, donating -- whatever it may be -- I believe we have a duty to our gods and our own credibility to work for the good of humanity in some capacity. I would assert that most pagans never consider this sort of thing as being part of their spirituality, and what their gods expect of them. They think it is all about finding themselves as witches, learning spells, doing rituals, communing with bunnies and fairies. One does have to know oneself, of course, in this path. However, finding oneself through love and work for others is one of the more meaningful ways to experience one's spirituality.
I call bullshit on the vast majority of pagan groups. One in particular that I used to be part of had over 100 members. My husband and I approached the leader of this group on several occasions and challenged her to get her group together to do something for the community, such as a food drive, or some sort of volunteer work on a regular basis. She blew us off, claiming that her focus was on "education." Well, naturally. We all know that you can't possibly learn anything by helping people.
What's ironic is, we also have a friend who is pastor of a pentecostal church, that has around 50 members. He and his parishioners have a building that they use to serve meals to the needy every week, they give out food and members donate items for people to take for free. This tiny group is making a real difference in its community. My husband and I have volunteered with his church on many occasions, and it frustrates us that we have to help a Christian group because there are no Pagans in this town who give a shit about the needy. Yes, I said it. They don't give a shit. And that makes me sick.
Now, why would this be so? Why would Pagans flat out not care about the needy, and have no interest in helping them? Part of it is because most of the Pagans we know are a bit needy themselves. Many of them receive charity of local organizations. I can understand to an extent being needy yourself and having nothing material to donate to others. However, volunteering to help at the mission, or the women's shelter does not cost any money. But they cannot be bothered, all they can see is their own "neediness" and their frustrating inability to manifest anything materially for themselves. They never stop to think that the gods are not lavishing them with cash and prizes because they are selfish and greedy.
I believe another reason that Pagans don't organize to help the community is because most of them are scared shitless of being "outed" as Pagans, or witches. They flit around all perky and "proud" of their paths, yet cannot openly be who they are. Now, this may be prudent in some cases, depending on where you live, your job, etc. However, with freedom of religion and the fact that the law protects us, these fears are largely just an excuse. Basically, they are 'playing witch' with their little group of friends, and go home to their real life where being witches is under wraps until the next playtime.
So you may be thinking to yourself that it's all high-and-mighty of me to be calling out Pagans . . . what have I done? Well, as I mentioned, we help our Christian friend with his work. We've also collected and donated food to rescue mission. My husband serves on a local interfaith hunger organization, openly as a Pagan. He is one of the most visible Pagans in this town, because he's not afraid to be known as a Pagan. These people who lead the pagan groups in this town tend to hide within their group, and couldn't care less about trying to make this world a better place.
It's also sickening to listen to Pagans badmouth Christians and Christianity, yet sit on their asses and do nothing to improve life in this town. They are insular, fearful, selfish, and small-minded. They stay within their little cliques and trust no one else. Why would they help the community at large? That's what Christian charity is for. How convenient. Justification of laziness.
I thought I had found a small group of women who might actually do something, get involved in some kind of real work. But no, it was the same old shit. The priestess blew off my idea of volunteering hands-on. She wanted to donate clothes to the women's shelter or participate in a fundraising breast cancer marathon. Those are nice things, but they aren't getting out there and really working in the community. Laziness. Fear. Someone might find out we're witches and then . . . and then WHAT? Fuck.
I'm sick of do-nothing Pagans who only sing to the gods to hear their own voices (to paraphrase Lilith). It's me and my husband, and no more will I waste my time on so-called pagans who don't give a shit about their city and their fellow citizens. They should all be ashamed of themselves for their selfish arrogance.
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